We’re Expecting

I took my dog, Sylvie Odette, to the vet today for a pregnancy check. Back in May she was in heat and had a little episode with our other dog, Ollie Augustus. Despite my best efforts, we have a teen pregnancy on our hands.

When I found out today that my Sylvie is with puppy, I panicked. The vet left the room to print off some information and Lydia asked, “How did she get pregnant?” Sofia responded before I could with, “When a boy and girl…” I quickly interrupted, “Nope. I need everybody to sit in their seat and give me a minute.”

The vet’s assistant returned and informed me of basic needs for my pregnant Sylvie. As she explained signs of birth, she recommended getting a thermometer to check Sylvie for signs of labor. My 6 year old leaned in and whispered, “I am not sticking that thing up her butt.” I assured Vivian that would not be her job, texted my husband, and tried to pull it together.

As I was checking out, the assistant said, “Feel free to call us with any questions and we’ll see you in a couple weeks.” I laughed and said, “I will probably be stalking you with questions.” They laughed, but I think they realize I will be calling daily to process this situation.

We got in the car and before the girls could ask any questions, I asked, “Who wants ice cream? You can have a smoothie, frappe, or milk shake.” We stopped by McDonalds on our way home. I got an ice cream cone and shared a 10 piece chicken nugget with Sylvie. I felt like we earned that.

Good Hair Day

I tried to explain to Vivian that she would be wearing a cap and gown for her Kindergarten graduation picture, but she got super excited about her cute outfit and even picked a hair bow. I explained that a cap is a kind of hat and she might need to take out her hair bow. She looked at me and said, “Nope. I look good today and I am not messing up this hair with some stinking’ hat!”

When we got to the school, I thought her teachers might be able to talk her into it. Not so much. Thank goodness one of the teachers recommended that she hold the cap in her picture. After a lot of sass and attitude, she agreed to hold the cap.

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After our picture day drama, I knew graduation day would be an issue with “that stinkin’ hat” so, in true mom fashion, I decided to lie. “You know, Viv, you can’t go on to first grade if you don’t wear the hat to graduation. It’s one of the rules.” She rolled her eyes and said, “Are you kidding me? I don’t want to be in kindergarten again! I’ll wear the stupid hat, but just this time.”

When all the kids walked in, she was wearing her little cap and gown, smiling her goofy solution toolembarrassed smile in front of all the families. She sat down and giggled nervously as I quietly rejoiced in one of my few victories with her. Awards were presented and a little kid bumped her hat as he walked by, then another classmate bumped her hat. She took off the hat and put it under her seat. I got her attention and motioned to put her cap back on, but she looked at me and whispered, “My teacher said to put our hats under our seats if they fall off.” with that ‘get ya some of that’ look and she quickly turned around.

She received awards for her test scores, the library award, her diploma, and ‘Most Likely to be a Fashion Designer’. Well played, Kindergarten Teachers, well played.

 

PC Perks and Regimens

 

Thanks for Wearing a Bra Mom

As I walked to the coffee pot this morning, Sofia said, “Thanks for always wearing a bra when you take me to school.”
I just looked at her and she said, “For real. There are moms that bring their kids in pajamas. They don’t even wear a bra and their business is all hanging out. I would be so embarrassed if you took us looking like that. So thanks!”
I’m just going to take that compliment and rock on with my Mother of the Year award.

Car Chats

You know that little tiny area at the bottom of your windshield that is never touched by the windshield wipers? The spot that is the shape of a shark fin and always has rain drops on it…
The fact that it is never cleaned really bothers Lydia. A lot. She would like for someone to find a way to make sure it is also cleared off with the rest of the windshield.
Yes, we had a five minute conversation in our car tonight and yes, there may be some family members with OCD tendencies.

Just Checking Mom!

Last Sunday, all of the children went to sing at the nursing home after lunch at the local Mexican Restaurant. We all played musical cars and I ended up with Vivian, Lydia, and two of her first grade friends in my mom mobile. In true girl style, Lydia and her friends decided they had to go to the bathroom before leaving the restaurant.

I waited outside the bathroom with Vivian, knocking to remind them that we couldn’t be late. At the sound of the paper towel dispenser dispensing a small forest and mischievous giggling, I popped my head inside the door and busted out my mean mom voice. They giggled, but promised they were almost finished.

I immediately turned to check on Vivian, AKA Amber Alert, but didn’t see her. I panicked and yelled her name, only to find her in the floor looking up my dress. I asked what she was doing and she loudly responded, “Just checking to see if you’re wearing panties today, Mom!” I quickly replied, “Every day, Viv! Every day, now get up out of the floor!” The older church ladies in the booth nearby were as mortified as I was. Thank goodness the girls came out of the bathroom and we could all escape the awkward moment. Fortunately, the nursing home was a success and no further public service announcements were made.

Standards or Sanity. You Choose

Make that party of two. After dance carpool I returned to the office to find this. Thank goodness they're cute!

Strep throat, party of two.

Do you remember how I gave up yelling at my kids for Lent on a snow day? That snow day turned into 3 snow days, then the weekend, then Monday Vivian woke up sick, then Monday afternoon I had to pick up Sofia early from school because she was sick, then I had dance carpool Monday night with Lydia, then Tuesday was a snow day, which turned into a snow week. Seriously.

By Wednesday, my cootie kids had been fever-free and on antibiotics for their strep throat long enough to take them in public. The girls had eaten everything we had at home, so we dropped Lawrence off at work and went to McDonalds for breakfast and the germ infested Play Place. Why? Because a mother considerably lowers all standards after being cooped up with children for so long. My next step, the grocery store. Yes, with all three girls.

Screen time is not restricted during snow days. Screen time = sanity for mom.

Screen time is not restricted during snow days. Screen time = sanity for mom.

 

Snow was in the forecast for that afternoon. I should have known how crowded the stores would be, but my options were, grocery store or don’t eat for days. Let’s be honest, I didn’t get this body by not eating, and hungry kids are grumpy. Off to the grocery we went. Never underestimating the power of bribery, I let the girls choose donuts for the next morning and told them, “If you want them for breakfast, you have to behave for the rest of the day.” Let’s just say, I will never get those two hours of my life back and I don’t care to re-live that trip to the grocery, but I didn’t yell at my kids.

 

If looks could kill

If looks could kill

As soon as we got home, I bundled up the girls and sent them outside to fight in their new snow boots as I put away groceries. The novelty of playing in the snow wore off quickly and the girls were back in the house as I was finishing with the groceries.  Just as all of their winter layers had been thrown into a pile, their daddy called to check on their behavior.

I put the phone on the counter and waited to hear the girls’ reports. Naturally, Vivian ran to the phone and told Lawrence, “We have been good today Daddy and we get donuts in the morning. Yep, we’re listening and we miss you!” I looked at her and she immediately gave me a dirty look and whispered, “Don’t say a word!” as she pointed her finger at me.

I made the girls a Newman’s organic frozen pizza, gave them a bath, and tucked them into bed with a movie. I then proceeded to finish laundry, get the back-up heat ready, and prepare for the possible power outage due to the anticipated 3-8″ of snow. I finally went to bed at 1:00 am.  I woke up, far too early, to Vivian counting to 100 as she hugged me in a headlock, then repeatedly asked, “Is it donut time? Is it donut time?”

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When you’re outnumbered and you can’t send them to school, you just go with it. I sugared them up and sent them outside to go sledding. You can call it caving, I call it staying sane during a snow week.

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Notice how dark this picture is? The donut demands started entirely too early.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fortunately, the snow is beautiful and my girls are cute. It's been fun, but I am ready for warm weather!

Fortunately, the snow is beautiful and my girls are cute. It’s been fun, but I am ready for warm weather!

Disney World

I was just snuggling in the bed with Vivian, talking about how she is turning five soon when, out of the blue, she dropped the Disney World bomb on me…

“Mama, I want to go to Disney World.” Then, she leaned into my ear and whispered, “If you let me go to Disney World, I will let you have a piece of wine and coffee when we get back home.”

My how the bribery tables have turned!

Foster Dog Kennel

On our way home from dance last night we witnessed a man drop off a dog on the side of our road and drive away. The dog had no collar and my daughter immediately knew it had been abandoned.  She panicked. “Mama you have to get that dog! That man just left him and there is no one to take care of him or feed him.  The coyotes might eat him!  He will be so scared all alone in the dark!”

I have tried to instill a sense of compassion in my children, but adopting a dog was not high on my list.  The look on my daughter’s face shamed me into driving slowly so the dog could follow us home. It looked like a nice dog, but I wasn’t sure if it would be aggressive. After all, it had just been left on the side of a country road, so who knows how it had been treated?!

We got home and my husband put him in our outside kennel with food. I immediately posted a picture to Facebook, hoping to find new owners and had a Facebook friend offer to adopt him. Can I get an amen?! We planned to meet the next day after work.

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The next morning I went to let our dog outside and feed “Wolfie” before going to the office.  The gate was standing wide open and Wolfie was gone. I went down the hill and someone or something had kicked in the gate of the kennel. I immediately thought the man that left him changed his mind or got mad and took him. (Yes, I jumped to conclusions!)

Next thing I know, my dog is barking…and I hear another dog barking. “Wolfie” came down out of the woods behind our home and went back down and laid at the kennel gate. What the what? My husband came home and repaired the gate and Wolfie happily went back in the kennel and stayed there until my husband could meet with his new owner later in the day.

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We found a collar and the dog literally rolled on its side and waited for my husband to put on the collar and leash. Ollie Augustus on the other hand, is our hyper attention-needy dog that can’t even walk on a leash. Yes, my husband pointed out Wolfie’s ability to walk rather than spaz out and drag me as he walked to his car. For a moment I debated which dog we should give up, I’m not going to lie.

As my husband loaded the dog into his back seat, my girls started crying about how much they would miss Wolfie.  You know, the dog we had for less than 24 hours.

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I still don’t know how that gate was opened, but I am just grateful Wolfie found a new owner to love him and give him a new name. Vince is apparently a cool dog that is mellow and great to have around.

 

 

I licked the windows!

 

So, I have 3 girls.  They can hold their own with the boys and love sports, but they are also girlie girls.  Translation, I am a dance mom and my girls take every dance class available.  For real, the studio offers an “unlimited class rate” and that’s how we roll.  Dancing Machines

We switched studios this year and my girls were nervous, so we set up a time to meet the owner and check out the studio.  They instantly felt at home and comfortable with Ms. Shelley.  So at home that Vivian licked the dance floor. That’s right, after a bunch of sweaty kids left their summer dance bootcamp, my 4 year old licked the floor.  She also attempted to lick Ms. Shelley, which brings me back to being comfortable thing.

I am at the studio 3 nights a week for 2 to 4 hours a night. (I told you, dance mom.) Vivian only goes on Tuesday night, but she makes her presence known on that one night.  She walks in, smacks Ms. Shelley on the rear and says hello.  Ms. Shelley doesn’t even need to look, she knows it’s my kid.

I have “that kid.”  You know, the one that leaves class to go potty and as I ask her if she is behaving she replies, “Yep, I didn’t lick the windows.”  Um, what?! Why did you mention that? “I licked the windows last week!”

Getting ready for their recital with their little cousin.  Yep, "that kid" is on the left.

Getting ready for their recital with their little cousin. Yep, “that kid” is on the left.