Cow Poop and Mother’s Day Breakfast

I was rushing around to get to a Mother’s Day Breakfast with Vivian at school. I am not a morning person, so I was cutting it close. I was completely ready, I simply had to take our beloved Ollie Augustus down the hill to his kennel.As I reached to remove his collar, I quickly realized that he had rolled in cow poop…again!

Two things, 1. Eau de Cow Poop lingers even after washing your hands three times. 2. There are few things more humbling than texting your child’s teacher about cow poop. In light of the first point, I hand sanitized my hand about 20 times as I drove to the school. I finally got rid of the horrible smell, just in time to be the last mom to arrive to the breakfast.

I had a chocolate milk with Vivian as she finished her Fruit Loops in chocolate milk with orange juice. Upon clearing our tables, we walked back to the pre-K room to find a precious gift from our children.

Allow me to show you an enlarged version of the letter in which I am 70 feet tall and weigh 60 pounds. It sounds awesome until I read my age… 62 years old. Oh, and apparently Vivian likes doing the dishes with me. Who knew?!

According to Vivian I am super model skinny, despite my age, I make a mean batch of chocolate fudge, and she knows that I love her. I am just going to embrace the age and let people tell me, “Dang! You look good for 62!” The cow poop, however, I could do without.

American Girl Doll$$$

Posted by mamarazzidivas

The girls begged and begged to get an American Girl Doll a couple years ago. Knowing how rough my girls are and how expensive the dolls are, we came to an agreement. I would pay for half and they could earn the other half through chores, good behavior, and good grades. Just before Christmas, they earned enough money in their jars.

Sofia, Lydia, and Vivian had taped pictures of the American Girl Dolls that looked most like them on their money jars. My girls had obsessed about their American Girl Mini-Me’s for months. When we went to the American Girl Doll Store, the girls quickly changed their minds and decided upon Historical Character dolls instead. Different dolls, same ridiculous price.

The girls love their dolls, but my girls are also very active in dance and sports, so they really only bring their dolls for special occasions. You know, when they just have to have their doll, then ask you to carry it within 10 minutes. Yep, times three. So, I bought rolling doll luggage from Pottery Barn Kids and now we look like ridiculous divas when we travel.

We have every Disney Princess outfit for the dolls, Nutcracker Sugar Plum Fairy Costumes, Historical Character books, and then some. Imagine my surprise when Sofia leaves me this note that has a math problem…or so I thought. As it turns out, Sofia was letting me know how much money she needed to get a second American Girl Doll, a new outfit, a horse, and some other essential American Girl Doll accessory she saw in that catalog.

Being the good mom that I am, I just looked at her and wrote my response, “Get a job” with a heart (because I love her). You can see how she felt about that. Still no job, still only one American Girl Doll. I am “the worst mom ever.”

Standards or Sanity. You Choose

Posted by mamarazzidivas

Make that party of two. After dance carpool I returned to the office to find this. Thank goodness they're cute!

Strep throat, party of two.

Do you remember how I gave up yelling at my kids for Lent on a snow day? That snow day turned into 3 snow days, then the weekend, then Monday Vivian woke up sick, then Monday afternoon I had to pick up Sofia early from school because she was sick, then I had dance carpool Monday night with Lydia, then Tuesday was a snow day, which turned into a snow week. Seriously.

By Wednesday, my cootie kids had been fever-free and on antibiotics for their strep throat long enough to take them in public. The girls had eaten everything we had at home, so we dropped Lawrence off at work and went to McDonalds for breakfast and the germ infested Play Place. Why? Because a mother considerably lowers all standards after being cooped up with children for so long. My next step, the grocery store. Yes, with all three girls.

Screen time is not restricted during snow days. Screen time = sanity for mom.

Snow was in the forecast for that afternoon. I should have known how crowded the stores would be, but my options were, grocery store or don’t eat for days. Let’s be honest, I didn’t get this body by not eating, and hungry kids are grumpy. Off to the grocery we went. Never underestimating the power of bribery, I let the girls choose donuts for the next morning and told them, “If you want them for breakfast, you have to behave for the rest of the day.” Let’s just say, I will never get those two hours of my life back and I don’t care to re-live that trip to the grocery, but I didn’t yell at my kids.

If looks could kill

As soon as we got home, I bundled up the girls and sent them outside to fight in their new snow boots as I put away groceries. The novelty of playing in the snow wore off quickly and the girls were back in the house as I was finishing with the groceries. Just as all of their winter layers had been thrown into a pile, their daddy called to check on their behavior.

I put the phone on the counter and waited to hear the girls’ reports. Naturally, Vivian ran to the phone and told Lawrence, “We have been good today Daddy and we get donuts in the morning. Yep, we’re listening and we miss you!” I looked at her and she immediately gave me a dirty look and whispered, “Don’t say a word!” as she pointed her finger at me.

I made the girls a Newman’s organic frozen pizza, gave them a bath, and tucked them into bed with a movie. I then proceeded to finish laundry, get the back-up heat ready, and prepare for the possible power outage due to the anticipated 3-8″ of snow. I finally went to bed at 1:00 am. I woke up, far too early, to Vivian counting to 100 as she hugged me in a headlock, then repeatedly asked, “Is it donut time? Is it donut time?”

When you’re outnumbered and you can’t send them to school, you just go with it. I sugared them up and sent them outside to go sledding. You can call it caving, I call it staying sane during a snow week.

Notice how dark this picture is? The donut demands started entirely too early.

Fortunately, the snow is beautiful and my girls are cute. It’s been fun, but I am ready for warm weather!

Disney World

Posted by mamarazzidivas

I was just snuggling in the bed with Vivian, talking about how she is turning five soon when, out of the blue, she dropped the Disney World bomb on me…

“Mama, I want to go to Disney World.” Then, she leaned into my ear and whispered, “If you let me go to Disney World, I will let you have a piece of wine and coffee when we get back home.”

My how the bribery tables have turned!

I Gave up Yelling at My Kids for Lent on a Snow Day

Posted by mamarazzidivas

If you know me well, you know that patience is not my virtue…and I’m not a morning person. Naturally, school mornings in our house are festive to say the least, as are Saturday game days and Sunday church mornings. Okay, every morning is rough. Did I also mention that I have 3 little girls? There are a lot of wardrobe malfunctions, fighting, and yelling to get through the morning routine. Yes, I said routine. It’s the same thing, every morning, yet my girls wake up in a brand new world every day.

On Valentine’s Day, we were all getting ready for the last basketball game of the season…and running late. On the annual day of love, amid the hectic morning, my family informed me that I am a nag. Romantic, I know. You see, I had been asking and asking (and asking and yelling) to pick up their things, to get dressed, to stop fighting, to put on clothes suitable for winter, to brush their teeth, to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, to brush their hair, to put their toys in the toy room, and… you get the point.

Naturally, I protested and let their daddy get them ready. Rather than repeating myself, I simply took all of the things I had been asking them to pick up and put them in an empty hamper. I also let them go to the game rocking the first ponytail attempt by their daddy.

When we returned from the ball game, they realized that their American Girl dolls, favorite sweatshirts, toys, books, etc. were gone. I showed them the hamper and told them the new rule, “I ask once to pick up your things and after that, I simply put it in the hamper and you have to do a chore to get each thing back.”

Sweeping the entry to get her American Girl doll. Parenting like a boss.

The rule had been helping, but mornings were still rough. So, I decided to give up yelling at my kids and losing my patience with them for Lent. Naturally, Ash Wednesday was a snow day. Thursday was a snow day. Friday was a snow day. That’s right, 3 consecutive snow days. My husband is a bit worried about my sanity, but so far I haven’t yelled at my daughters. Day 4…only 36 more to go.

Planning ahead for next year.

Cupid Needs to Move on

Posted by mamarazzidivas

Valentine’s Day has become a bit of a retail holiday, but I still love the chance to remind people of our love. We always enjoy our church family dinner, our girls exchange Valentines, class parties, lots of sugar, greeting cards meant just for you, and flowers. It can also be a day of disappointment and unfortunate comparison. As a mom of all girls, I experienced my first Valentine’s Day dilemma.

My oldest, Sofia, received a sweet little stuffed animal from one of her friends. While I am not a big stuffed animal fan, it was from a friend and not a little boy. We dodged the third grade girl drama. Parent victory. Short-lived parent victory, but I’ll take what I can get.

After school, my first grader and youngest in pre-K had a Valentine’s Day party recap. Ignorance truly is bliss, people. My first grader was enjoying the usual class Valentines and party food, looking forward to the weekend celebrations with family, when my youngest dropped a bomb on us. My four-year-old, my youngest, the baby sister, was given a stuffed animal and earrings. Come again?!

My youngest with her big girl dangle earrings from a boy. Definitely a traumatic experience. Parenting defeat on Friday the 13th.

I tried not to react and simply asked what she said when the brave little boy gave her the gifts. She replied, “I told him thank you.” Another parent victory, she used her manners, quickly replaced with an inner monologue freak out.

‘Am I slipping? Surely I seem crazy enough to scare boys away. Should I have her 6’3″ daddy drop her off in the mornings? Do I need to have more cootie conversations? Seriously, jewelry?! Do I give it back and risk seeming rude? Do I simply let her wear them and not make a big deal? For the love, my baby got jewelry from a boy and I am not ready for all of this!’

I was quickly interrupted by the tears of my middle child. Wait, what?! “Vivian got earrings AND a stuffed animal! I didn’t even get a stuffed animal at school!” I reminded Lydia that it was only the 13th, that Valentine’s Day was only beginning. I also had her go with her daddy so I could take her big sister to get a stuffed animal. We are now the proud owner of a wiener dog with Valentine shorts and “I love long kisses” embroidered on its side…and earrings. Big girl dangle earrings, given by a boy to my little girl who still writes her ‘y’ backwards.

The Never Simple Act of Changing

Posted by mamarazzidivas

We asked the girls to change out of their church clothes before going out to work on the farm and playing basketball. The girls had decided that they would like a tree house, so we told them we would all go and clear a place in the woods.

Sofia and Lydia came down in warm up pants and a T-shirt so they could go straight from helping in the woods to playing basketball at the school with friends. Vivian, on the other hand, came down in jeans and her cowgirl boots. She presented herself with a huge smile and a “ta-da” hand gesture, then said, “See. I just need a bucket.”

Naturally, my husband and I asked why our 4 year old needed a bucket. Vivian replied, “So I can milk the cows.” I laughed and informed her, “We don’t have any cows. Your aunt and uncle do, but we don’t. Plus, they don’t have dairy cows, their cows make meat.”

Disappointed, she went back to her toy room. She quickly returned with a purse and her Hello Kitty alarm clock. Not having a clue why she needed an alarm clock in the woods, I asked what she had planned. Vivian looked at me as though I should already know and replied, “I’m going to mow the yard.” She wasn’t happy when I pointed out that she is too young to mow the yard.

Minimalism and Parenting

Posted by mamarazzidivas

After a week of sickness, parties, church and school Christmas performances, Family visits, and the others festivities of Christmas and New Year’s Eve. I have decided that less is more. A couple of years ago we instituted a “Baby Jesus got 3 gifts and so can you” rule at Christmas.

As I have fought the uphill battle of fighting the 80’s child tendency to seek happiness in material things, I am also fighting the battle of raising 3 daughters to not be caught up in the latest and greatest trends. My 4 year old would rattle off so many things she wanted for Christmas, then not be able to tell you why she wanted the toys.

So, we decided to do only one toy this year at Christmas and the other gifts have to be something functional or an experience.

1. Santa brought a gymnastics mat & we turned their toy room into a dance studio. This is technically a gift to me and my husband as well, because it means no more acrobatics in the living room.

Christmas morning gift from Santa: a gymnastics mat, just like at the dance studio.

Ballet barres: Mama & Daddy got crafty with Lowes & Home Depot gift cards from credit card points.

2. In keeping with the minimalist trend, we gave the girls tickets to the Russian Ballet’s Swan Lake at the Fox Theater in Atlanta. An experience and memory that doesn’t clutter up our home, or cause arguments when time to clean up the toy room. Parent victory!

p.s. If you live in the Atlanta area, goto the Box Office! Had I purchased these tickets online, our family of 5 would have paid $300. Instead, we paid $155. That’s right, no Ticketmaster fees AND student pricing. Instead of $59.95, the girls’ tickets were only $15!

3. One of the hardest changes to make in trying to rock the minimalism party is instant gratification. (Think about the impulse purchases that you quickly wondered why you ever found them appealing.) So, while in Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving, we told the girls we would only sight-see, not purchase at every stop.

We came across the most adorable handmade dolls and the girls really wanted them. I told them they could think about it all day, but if they chose to get one, it would count as 1 of their 3 Christmas gifts.

By the end of the day, they still wanted the Puerto Rican dolls, despite knowing they would have to wait until Christmas morning. Patience is a virtue which does not come naturally to me, my husband, or my girls. I was thoroughly impressed!

While we are a work in progress, slowly purging our home of clutter and trying to discipline our shopping and daily life, I feel like we did well at one of the most difficult times of the year. Christmas should be a time of reflection and family, not shopping malls and perfect gift stress. Which reminds me, gift cards!

I am the Queen of Gift Cards at Christmas. Some people may say it is impersonal, but why just buy something to buy something? Instead of spending hours away from family stressing about the perfect gift, give the kids some money or a gift card and spend time with them. Think about your childhood… The best memories are probably about what you did and with whom you shared the holidays. Make the amazing memories for the next generation.

My ugly Christmas sweater busts out with the same horrible faux suede skirt every year. I know there will be times that this horrifies my daughters, but in the end, I believe we will all laugh and have fun with it. Who knows, an ugly sweater may become a right of passage in our family.

Dirty Potties

Posted by mamarazzidivas

So, I try not to be a germaphobe, but some things are just funky. When the girls were little, they would always have to put their hands on the potty to keep from falling. I found a little travel potty seat at Babies R Us that would fold up and be kept in a zip loc in the car. It was genius! Nothing too fancy, just a smaller seat with little handles that stuck out where apparently every kid instinctively puts their hands. (My kids didn’t have the fancy padded kind in the link, but ours had handles. Priorities.)

My girls are big enough now that they know not to touch the public potties. The two oldest can go in their own stall, so I just say a little prayer that they touch as little as possible, then make them wash their hands like they’re obsessive compulsive. My youngest may never be allowed to go alone.

You think she is just coming close to get her picture taken…

She is my licker. Seriously, not sure why, but she randomly licks things and people. I am also certain that she is a walking health code violation. You know how most kids just have to touch things when they shouldn’t? Vivian licks things. Super gross things like, car bumpers, escalator handles, and dance studio floors (after dance camp), just to name a few.

…then she licks. Yep, she licked my phone camera lens.

She probably has the best immune system, but she continues to gross me out. Perfect example, the other day we were getting ready for Sofia and Lydia’s back-to-back basketball practices. The gym where they practice has yucky bathrooms. No matter how hard the Rec. Department tries to keep them clean, there is always a funkiness to them. Naturally, I asked Vivian to go to the bathroom before leaving our office. She said, “Nope. I don’t have to now.” I reminded her that the gym bathrooms are yucky and she replied, “I’ve gone in there before, all by myself. I like a little dirt on my potty.”

I licked the windows!

Posted by mamarazzidivas

So, I have 3 girls. They can hold their own with the boys and love sports, but they are also girlie girls. Translation, I am a dance mom and my girls take every dance class available. For real, the studio offers an “unlimited class rate” and that’s how we roll.

We switched studios this year and my girls were nervous, so we set up a time to meet the owner and check out the studio. They instantly felt at home and comfortable with Ms. Shelley. So at home that Vivian licked the dance floor. That’s right, after a bunch of sweaty kids left their summer dance bootcamp, my 4 year old licked the floor. She also attempted to lick Ms. Shelley, which brings me back to being comfortable thing.

I am at the studio 3 nights a week for 2 to 4 hours a night. (I told you, dance mom.) Vivian only goes on Tuesday night, but she makes her presence known on that one night. She walks in, smacks Ms. Shelley on the rear and says hello. Ms. Shelley doesn’t even need to look, she knows it’s my kid.

I have “that kid.” You know, the one that leaves class to go potty and as I ask her if she is behaving she replies, “Yep, I didn’t lick the windows.” Um, what?! Why did you mention that? “I licked the windows last week!”

Getting ready for their recital with their little cousin. Yep, “that kid” is on the left.

Mamarazzi & Her Divas

People said having one more kid would be as easy as putting another car seat in the car. They lied to me.

parenting

Cow Poop and Mother’s Day Breakfast

American Girl Doll$$$

Standards or Sanity. You Choose

Disney World

I Gave up Yelling at My Kids for Lent on a Snow Day

Cupid Needs to Move on

The Never Simple Act of Changing

Minimalism and Parenting

Dirty Potties

I licked the windows!